Things my gut does not want to talk about: Faith

I was speaking with a very good friend of mine a few weeks ago when I experienced that certain feeling which only creeps up in conversations about awkward, embarrassing or uncomfortable topics. It is a strange feeling that melds frustration, insecurity and fear into one gut emotion that makes you want to immediately move the conversation elsewhere. Some may call this feeling dread but I don’t think that fully captures it.

I get this feeling every once in a while and am always intrigued by the word, context or topic that triggers it. This time it was churches that practice speaking in tongues. It is a contentious topic within the Christian community and is understandably a completely bizarre phenomenon for even the most open minded non-Christians. My friend falls into the latter group.

There are many theological views on the issue. My personal stance can be summed as, “to each his own”. I embrace the realness of other people’s experiences but it is not a part of my personal relationship with God.

Christians believe that a supernatural being sent his son to earth in physical form to show us his love and that someday we will join both of them in a place called heaven. That is a pretty crazy thing to believe. So is the idea that God gives certain people the ability to speak in a prayer language. To Christians it ultimately comes down to the faith we have that all this craziness is true.

The thought of having to explain the concept of faith was my trigger this time. My life does not embody faith to the point where I can easily describe it. This leads to all kinds of fears, insecurities and frustrations about what society and my friends will think when I talk about it. I worry if they will see it as truth or if they will just think I am crazy. This is not a good thing.